January 16, 2015
Dear Progress: “I have a young friend who is pregnant, and her boyfriend hangs around for a while, then goes out and cheats on her, takes her money, has her pay his bills, etc. She said she's done with him but then he pops back into her life and charms her into taking him back. It happens over and over again. What advice can you give her to help her respect herself enough to draw the line and stick to it? It makes me so sad to see her being played over and over again.”
Dear Saddened Friend: Much love to you for having your homegurl back! She’s going to need someone like you help her get back to that good kind of self-loving. The kind that would allow her to move on from this playa….for good! Sounds like this playa has the best of both worlds! He puts in no love and reaps all the benefits of a woman who loves him.
Ok, so how does she get back to respecting herself? She can ask herself a few questions to begin with: Why am I willing to accept this madness? Maybe you’re bottling up the past. Could be you don’t think you can find someone better than this weak playa. You’ve essentially decided to share a man when you deserve your own. Whatever it is that has got you accepting this mess – deal with it! The longer it goes unchecked the longer you’ll allow pain and suffering to hold court in your life.
Do I want my child to emulate either of our relationship patterns? Our kids stay watching us! What would you tell your daughter to do about this kind of guy? I would tell her to WALK AWAY …matter of fact… RUN! Can your boyfriend teach your son how to be the man you want him to become? Today – No way! Let’s see: he takes your money and you pay his bills. That’s your child NOT your partner! Gurl! Raise you standards!
How am I loving myself? Honey, give yourself permission to love yourself correctly. Every day practice saying yes to loving you so good and saying no to being taken advantage of by this loser. Author Bell Hooks defines love as “a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.” This man child is failing in every area. More importantly you want to start winning in these areas. Loving yourself correctly builds self-confidence and it’s going to take a strong sense of self-worth to let him go. Don’t let this guy take any more of your money gurl! You’ve got a child (another one if you count him) on the way that is going to need it!!! He’s dimming your light and abusing your kindness. Go get yourself a man who will be committed to you!
Named one of BRAVA Magazine's 2015 Women to Watch, Sabrina Madison or as you may know her “Heymiss Progress” is a poet, motivational speaker, entrepreneur and change agent. She can be reached through her website, About Sabrina "HeyMiss Progress" Madison, at www.heymissprogress.com.