February 20, 2015
Dear Progress: “Ok, so here's my story, I recently decided to take a break in my long distance relationship because he was acting really distant and there was such a sudden lack of emotion and affection on his part.
For laughs, we'll call this guy Denzel. We've been together for over a year and I love him to death. (I haven't seen him in over 4 months) He's a bit of a jerk, has a bad attitude, always has to be right and nothing is ever good enough. He'll say, “You can always do better.”
For example, I recently lost 50 pounds and he had the nerve to tell me in his own way that it wasn't enough.
He’s 35 with no kids, has a good job, smart, we share similar values, both love nature and his priorities are straight.
If I wanted to live a comfortable life and start a family he'd be the perfect candidate. He pushes me to be the best I can be. I respect that but he goes about it in the worst ways.
While on this break, I became close to another man and I may actually be falling for him. We'll call him Idris. This guy is the complete opposite. He's 30 and the "bad boy”. He works but blows his money on material crap and doesn't have his life together. But he's in love with me, tells me he's willing to change, wants a better life and gives me the love and attention I was lacking in the previous relationship.
Now, I'm not a money hungry girl but I'm at the age where I want to build a life with someone and live comfortably. I'm 28 with no kids and desperately want to have a family.
The big heart in me wants to give "Idris" a chance, help him become a better man if he's willing and see where it could go.
Now that Denzel knows I'm interested in someone else he wants to fix things. I’m torn! I don't know if he really wants to work things out or if he just doesn't like the idea of me with someone else because he's openly admitted he isn't ok with the idea of being replaced.
I don't want to hurt either one of them but now that feelings are involved with the new guy, someone will end up hurt no matter whom I choose.
Do I work things out with the ex or try to build something with the new guy? Help!
Dear Torn: Oh my love! Next week I’ll come back and reply to your question in length, in the meantime please honestly ask yourself: “Why am I considering going back to someone who I only felt half-way good with and considering being loyal to someone who doesn’t have his own life together?
Think about this too:
“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.”
– Bell Hooks
Named one of BRAVA Magazine's 2015 Women to Watch, Sabrina Madison or as you may know her “Heymiss Progress” is a poet, motivational speaker, entrepreneur and change agent. She can be reached through her website, About Sabrina "HeyMiss Progress" Madison, at www.heymissprogress.com.