January 23, 2015
Dear Progress: How do you handle it if your kids do not like the man you are dating? Would you stay with him or would you let him go?
Dear Reader: There are many factors to consider. First and foremost take your kids concerns and fears seriously. Have you asked them exactly why they don’t like your man? Or have they told you straight up why they don’t like him and you just blew them off in hopes that they’d change their mind? Whatever is up it’s clear that something is preventing them from liking him. Getting to the heart of that and you’ll be able to decipher rather or not you should continue on spending time with him.
Here are a few tips and questions I’ve gathered over the years and well…. what a few for real old school grandmothers had to say:
- What do you want from this relationship? Does this relationship have a goal? If you’re hoping that he will become husband and stepdad then your children not liking him could be a deal breaker. Sit down with yourself and picture what kind of family you want. Does he fit with you and your children?
- Are your children close to their father? If so, maybe your children are simply feeling disloyal to their other parent. They may be confused as to how to embrace your new man and still remain loyal to their father. Chill love! Don’t rush them into playing house with your new guy. If he truly is a good guy not only to you but to them as well – they may come around eventually.
- Is this man being good to you? If not, don’t expect your children to be treating him like the next coming of “Good Dad”! Our children do want the best for us and may simply not know the best way to express that so they act out. Take a close look at your relationship with bae and be honest with yourself. And if you’ve been dating longer than last year’s *cuffing season then you should have more than enough to reflect on.
- How is he with your children? Does he just come over and chill with you and pay them no mind? Is he hogging the PlayStation? Or does he try to engage your children? If you want him to play a role in your children’s lives then make sure that’s what his actions are showing. He can tell you all day long how much he likes you and your kids, BUT does he behave as such?
Would I stay if my son didn’t like my man? I’ve always trusted my son. Our relationship is built on trust, love and open communication. It’s highly unlikely I’d continue to date a man my son absolutely did not like for very valid reasons.
* Cuffing: Finding yourself tied down with someone during the fall and winter months.
Named one of BRAVA Magazine's 2015 Women to Watch, Sabrina Madison or as you may know her “Heymiss Progress” is a poet, motivational speaker, entrepreneur and change agent. She can be reached through her website, About Sabrina "HeyMiss Progress" Madison, at www.heymissprogress.com.