Kweku’s Korner
By Dr. Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi
formerly known as Dr. Ramel Smith
Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi, formerly known as Ramel Smith
When does the holiday season begin for you? Is it right after Thanksgiving Dinner or maybe after Black Friday shopping? Or maybe it began with the first snowfall? For our family, every year it began on December 10th. This was my mother’s day of birth. She would put on The Temptations Christmas album, we would decorate the house, and then circle the gifts we wanted in the JC Penny Christmas catalog. My favorite song on the Temptations album was the title song Give Love on Christmas Day. We were taught the holiday season was about the birth of the Messiah, family, and bringing peace to all mankind. Every holiday season has a three-day crescendo for our family between the 24th-26th. On Christmas Eve, my mother and her siblings would come to our house and enjoy food and games. On the 25th, it was off to Momma Daisy’s house where we had a variety of food and presents given directly from Black Santa. On the 26th, it was off to my Uncle Elzie Jr’s house to celebrate his born day. At his house we played pool, dominoes, spades, darts and watched the games while drinking festive spirits and dancing to all the hits from yesterday to today. What does the holiday mean to you? What memories and traditions do you have?
As I’ve gotten older, I realized that there are changes and differences that happen in life over the years. Sometimes these changes happen so slowly that when you look up you almost don’t recognize the current surroundings. Our family has been able to hold on to some of the traditions, but the players have changed. We have lost loved ones who have transitioned to the realm of the ancestors; others who have moved to other parts of the country; and some new players introduced through marriage and birth.
The holidays can bring a cascade of emotions. I have learned to ride these emotions by implementing three strategies. First, I remember the times. I remember the people and times of years past. I allow myself time to grieve and sit in the emotions of remembering the past. Second, I respect the times. Our goal must be to live in the moment and appreciate the moment of now. I take as many pictures as I can now, because the amusing pictures of today become the priceless pictures of tomorrow. Sometimes our fixation on the past or worries of tomorrow keep us from enjoying today. Third, I have learned to reimagine the times. Not every tradition can live on forever and that makes us sad, but how do we use our creativity and innovation to bring another tradition to life.
The holiday can become blue quickly if we focus our energy on all the changes and differences. The key red flags to watch out for you, and for loved ones, are: 1) When people begin to isolate themselves from everybody. Remember, people can be lonely in the middle of a loving crowd; 2) When people overspend and outrace their budget to mask the pain; 3) When they get the spirit of Scrooge where they become bitter and surly; and 4) They begin to self-medicate with alcohol and other drugs (e.g., prescription and illicit) to get through the season.
To maintain your emotional equilibrium during this holiday season, you should be intentional about your schedule and company. Beloved, even amid heartbreaking tragedy, there is a reason to be thankful. Find those reasons. Acknowledge those reasons. Appreciate those reasons. The holiday season is the perfect season for healing and forgiveness. Use this time as a time to reconnect with our loved ones we have lost precious time with over the years. If the relationship is too toxic to reengage, give yourself the inner peace to forgive and let go of the heavy burden you still carry. And, if I can be so bold to add to the words of the Temptations… don’t just give love on Christmas Day, give love every day like it’s Christmas Day. Find someone who needs love and spread it to them. In the tradition of Kwanzaa, do not buy expensive gifts, share your time and laughter with those you love. And, if you must get a zawadi (gift), purchase a book to uplift the spirits of the children or the gift of therapy to follow people into a positive change into the New Year. All I want for Christmas is for you to find peace and happiness throughout the new year! Nakupenda Milwaukee.