Kweku’s Korner
Dedicated to Joie Michael, Maya Alisia, Jonah Herman, Noah Robert, and Skye Alyxandra Kathryn
By Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi
Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi, formerly known as Ramel Smith
There was a movie, a few decades ago, entitled “Mrs. Doubtfire.” This movie was about a man whose marriage had failed, and he felt his children were going to be taken from him. To stay around his children, he pretended to be an elderly nanny to be a part of his children’s life. Although this is a fictional movie, I have seen many fathers navigate many turbulent times to be part of their children’s lives. Here are five ways for fathers to show love to their children:
Rule #1: Love their Mother:
There is a reason Mother’s Day is vastly more popular than Father’s Day. Though our sperm may penetrate the egg, it is the mother who carries that seed. The bond within those next three trimesters creates a bond that is powerful. We all joke that it was the words “yo momma!” that could set off the fight. Well, it works in reverse also. For those who love someone’s Mother, the affinity of the child grows for that individual. And, when it comes from the father, it increases two-fold because of the natural connection and how it increases the blanket of protection and secure attachment. In those instances when the two parties are not together, there is still a way to show respect, and an appropriate love, for those who you will co-parent with for a lifetime.
Rule #2: Protect, Provide, and Passion
Job number one is to protect your children from harm as much as possible. This means physical protection as well as equipping them with a knowledge base to be able to navigate the world at each stage of their development. Job number two is to provide for your child. Part of being a responsible father is having the means to provide for the basic needs of the children. Many put the cart before the horse and find themselves always working from behind. Michael Jackson, said it best, “don’t have the baby, if you can’t feed the baby.” Job number three which we are often taught is to give passion to our children from us. The theory of love purports that there are five love languages: 1) physical touch (e.g., hugs); 2) quality time (e.g., going fishing); 3) acts of service (e.g., help them with their homework); 4) words of affirmation (e.g., I love you); and 5) Gift (e.g., buy a gift).
Rule #3: Do Over
In a perfect world, we can do all these things; however, life is not always perfect. Sometimes, there is the father who was a deadbeat from the start and needs to make amends. Sometimes, it was the father who protected and provided, but was too busy with trying to provide shelter and food, they couldn’t provide some of the time the children needed. Sometimes the father is separated from their children for reasons outside of their own control. This is where the father must show unconditional love and an unrelenting perseverance to re-establish the relationship with the grown child and become a fantastic grandparent.