Kweku’s Korner
By Alisia Moutry, Ph.D.
President/CEO 4AM Consulting, LLC
Alisia Moutry, Ph.D., President/CEO 4AM Consulting, LLC
How often have you grudgingly agreed to something you didn’t want to and or maybe even shouldn’t have? This happens often because we don’t know how to say, “NO”! Not sure who needs to read this but if you have a hard time saying the N-word, this article will provide: 1. reason(s) why it is personally hard, 2. Identification of feelings, and 3. the appropriate delivery mode.
How do YOU know if the answer should be, “No”? If you are unsure, Elizabeth Perry in Better Up (January 2022), shares five reasons why you need to say, “NO”. If these feelings come up after a request, you should say, “No”.
• YOU feel uncomfortable, guilty or obligated,
• YOU are overloaded,
• The request crosses YOUR boundaries,
• YOU are only saying yes to please someone else.
Once you determine, that you need to say, “No”, let’s identify the feelings connected to saying “No” that make it difficult to say, especially to certain people. Often we say yes because it brings us some type of pleasure but saying yes creates a burden and or bad stress. If it creates a burden/stress, you should probably say, “No”, but feelings get in the way. According to Elizabeth Perry in Better Up (January 2022), here are a few reasons why, it’s hard for you to say, “NO”:
• want to be seen as a team player,
• don’t want to jeopardize your relationship by coming off as selfish, mean or uncooperative,
• feel guilty afterward,
• don’t want to hurt their feelings or jeopardize your relationship,
• believe it’s not nice to say “No”,
• genuinely want to help,
• don’t even think about saying “No”.
Saying “No” can be done nicely, but you have to be prepared and not caught off guard. If you want to master it, you must practice. The next unwanted request are you willing to try a few examples of how to communicate “No” politely adapted from “How to Nicely Say “No” Indeed.com:
• “This doesn’t seem like a healthy decision for me. I will have to regretfully decline.”
• “I have another commitment.”
• “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now.”
• “I’m honored you asked me, but I simply can’t.”
• “No, I won’t be able to fit that into my schedule this week.”
• “I would love to join you, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with work right now.”
• “I’m not taking on any other commitments right now.”
• “Thank you for thinking of me, but I do not wish to accept your offer.
• “No, sorry. I need to prioritize my family right now.”
• “Unfortunately, that’s just not possible. It won’t work out this time.”
• “I’m going to pass this time.
You will be asked to do something soon that you don’t want to or need to do. Pick one or two of the above statements, memorize them, and be prepared to verbalize them because saying “No” is self-care. No is not a bad word, but it is a complete sentence. No.